I was always a fan of Pseud's Corner in Private Eye. These days, the most purple prose I receive is often in the form of press releases for books being offered for review. I will provide an irregular series of these, both for your entertainment and, I hope, as pointers of what not to do with the press releases for your own books.
Note that the books themselves could be brilliant... or not. But a poor press release is unlikely to generate many reviews. Names will be omitted to protect the innocent and guilty alike.
I suspect the problems are fairly self-evident, but just in case here's a few key pointers to look out for:
- Are you ready to be empowered?
- A diary-style journey? Is that a bit like a blog-style elephant?
- Who would have thought that India was a land of geography?
- Can people collectively form a wisdom?
- Apparently we are unlikely to read the like of the author in our lifetime. No, doesn't make any sense to me, either.
- I have read 'Just as quantum physics presents a very different view of the world from the classical physics of Newton, the same is also true of consciousness' three times and still don't understand what it means.
[Title]: Uplifting New Memoir Empowers Readers to Unleash “Transcendental Consciousness”
Written by X and inspired by a life-changing, spontaneous trip to India, [Title] takes readers on a diary-style journey through the author’s daily life alongside the goddess Durga. From falling in love with a guru to undergoing a series of transformational experiences, X's true and incredibly vivid memories will lift readers up to a new state of being.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
United Kingdom – For thousands of years, people have turned to the mystique and allure of India for assistance in all facets of their life; a land of geography, culture and people who collectively form a wisdom unmatched by anywhere else on the planet. [...]
Synopsis:
This is a remarkable book by an equally remarkable man, the like of which you are unlikely to read in your lifetime.
An inner prompting sent X to India – the home of the timeless knowledge of the Veda. In the topsy-turvy world of modern times, we are more au fait with our mobile phones than we are with the even smarter circuitry, lying latent within our own nervous systems.
Just as quantum physics presents a very different view of the world from the classical physics of Newton, the same is also true of consciousness. The more we expand ours, the more we find there.
The Veda tells us in its own symbolic language that everybody is born with a nervous system capable of being refined and perfected with the right input.
An inner prompting sent X to India – the home of the timeless knowledge of the Veda. In the topsy-turvy world of modern times, we are more au fait with our mobile phones than we are with the even smarter circuitry, lying latent within our own nervous systems.
Just as quantum physics presents a very different view of the world from the classical physics of Newton, the same is also true of consciousness. The more we expand ours, the more we find there.
The Veda tells us in its own symbolic language that everybody is born with a nervous system capable of being refined and perfected with the right input.
I once worked for a (fairly large) US company who announced a recruitment freeze by saying, "we are consolidating our resources using a head-count neutral scenario". Perfect for Pseud's Corner but sadly, only just remembered it.
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