McInley's Management Consultants
Efficiency Optimization Analysis for Acme Homeopathic Inc.
After a month's study of the manufacturing processes at Acme Homeopathic, we are delighted to be able to offer recommendations to transform cost effectiveness.
At the moment, each homeopathic remedy is produced by taking an extract of a substance, diluting it many times with complex and expensive agitation between each dilution, dripping the resultant liquid onto sugar pills which are then fed into appropriately labelled containers on a production line that has to be dedicated to a single remedy for hours at a time.
Our recommendation is to remove the entire initial part of the process. Simply put sugar pills into containers, to which a wide range of labels can then be attached. Costs will slashed at a stroke.
If we were to recommend this in a conventional pharmaceutical production environment, there would be serious consequences. Patients taking the drugs would not receive the expected benefits, and testing in the laboratory would show that the company was providing sugar pills instead of anything from aspirin to life-saving drugs. However, with the homepathic product there will be no difference in the expected benefit, and analysis would simply show what was expected - a sugar pill with no active ingredient.
In the unlikely event anyone bothered to check on the manufacturing process, Acme could claim a new, enhanced homeopathic remedy that is even more efficient than diluting to exhaustion, where the workers in the plant think of a particular substance (e.g. Arnica) while the pills are being bottled. As homeopathy teaches that the more dilute the product is, the stronger the effect, this would clearly result in the most effective possible homeopathic remedies.
If there is any problem getting staff to think of the right remedy at the right time, we suggest introducing a range of company songs, one based on each remedy, to be sung while the product is bottled.
We recommend introduction as soon as possible, as this enhancement will result in savings of millions of pounds and will not make the slightest difference to the product.
Please note, this is a fictional item for satirical purposes. I do not intend to suggest that any manufacturer of homeopathic remedies would take such actions, nor that any management consultancy would recommend them.