Wednesday, 25 March 2015

Government Statistic Shock Horror Probe!

Ever happy to expand the horizons of this blog, today we have a guest post from the Daily Excess:

Seventies Student Scroungers Sickie Stats Shock

These 1970s students have grown up to be scroungers
When we think of the 1970s we remember ridiculous clothes, progressive rock and punk, and the Winter of Discontent. (We would like to say something about Princess Diana, but she didn't do much in the 1970s.) What not many realise is that by allowing long-haired types like these to go to university for FREE we brought up a whole generation of scroungers.

Statistics show that workers who were students in the 1970s carefully time their sick leave to extend the weekend - nearly half of all sick days are taken on either side of the weekend by these layabouts. This is no doubt so they can attend "music" festivals, or "drop out" and try to recapture their long-lost hippy youth.

A report published by the University of Swindon makes it clear that a whopping 40% of the sick days taken by these rarely-washed individuals are on a Friday or a Monday, giving them a fun long weekend at the expense of taxpayers and business. The Excess says: "It's a disgrace!"

NEXT - SUMMER WILL BE A SCORCHER! 8 WEEKS OF 80 DEGREE MADNESS PREDICTED and RED WINE CAN MAKE YOU STOP EATING CHOCOLATE

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I'm sure you've all spotted the Excess's little error, but just in case you were having a bad day, here is a chart of how the sick days might vary through the week if the Excess's statistics are true:





2 comments:

  1. Next they'll be telling us that death is fatal in 100% of cases and that the NHS should be doing something about it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Too right. We pay our taxes for these scientist johnnies - they ought to be able to sort something out by now.

    ReplyDelete