The new energy source: Woolworths

Almost all the globe's environmental problems come down, one way or another, to energy. Here in the UK we are faced with real challeges - how to meet our energy needs without pumping out greenhouse gasses. I think I might have found a partial solution. It's a totally new energy source: the Woolworths store.

Earlier this year the final Woolworths closed down. For months, now, the stores have been standing empty. No company, no one to pay the bills. So clearly they can't be taking power from an electricity company. Yet for all this time the hulk of our local Woolworths has had its lights on 24/7. Night and day, the Woolworths sign was proudly illuminated. The windows were aglow. And inside the store, the ghosts of shoppers could parade up and down well-lit aisles.

With whatever the opposite of serendipity is, when I went yesterday to take a picture of the glowing sign and empty window display, the outside lights had been turned off. They were still lit up inside, though, but the grills prevented me taking a picture (as did the suspicious looking woman, who clearly thought I was sizing it up for a break-in).

So here's the plan. Woolworths clearly has a self-generating power supply. Route the cables from all the dead Woolworths back into the national grid, and we'll probably need one less nuclear power station...